Stop Crying!

Maybe you think crying in front of your girlfriend while watching "Old Yeller" will help save your relationship by assuming a reputation as a sensitive guy. However, 93% of the time, it will result in your girlfriend dumping your sorry ass and telling you that she needs a real man. The same goes for crying and sports; they only go together when:

1) You win a championship
2) You've made more money than you have ever dreamed of
3) You get hit in the balls

Cartman savors the tears
of unfathomable sadness.

Crying is best explained in an the South Park episode "Scott Tenorman Must Die". Crying not only indicates that you are at your breaking point and exposing your highest level of vulnerability but it also may also allow someone to "taste your tears" like Eric Cartman.

Let's take a look back at a few of these crying moments that have led to diminished productivity.

1. Kwame Brown, 2001-02 Season

Brown was the number 1 pick in the 2001 draft with a lot of potential to turn around the Washington Wizards franchise along with an older Michael Jordan. Brown was slow to achieve results. At one practice, Brown complained of a hard foul committed by Jahidi White. Jordan's patience wore down as he proceeded to call Brown a flaming faggot.

Perhaps Jordan's intentions were to make Brown a better player by insulting him as a motivational tactic, but Brown began to cry and ran away to sob in the locker room. Since that point, Kwame Brown has been a disappointment in the league for the Wizards and now the Lakers. His off the court incidents include a DUI and throwing a man's birthday cake to ground.

2. Kobe Bryant, The Summer of 2003

The Los Angeles Lakers were about to lose to the San Antonio Spurs, ending their bid to win their 4th consecutive title. As the game wound down to a close, Kobe Bryant was seen crying on the bench.

Perhaps Kobe lost a little more than self respect for himself. Maybe one of motives for committing adultery with a girl from Colorado could have been to redeem his reputation as a man. This backfired miserably as the girl accused him of rape. Kobe also proceeded to cry in a press conference as seen above.

The Lakers made it to the finals in the 2003-04 season but it became the last year that Kobe played with Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq had probably lost what little respect he had for Kobe. Bryant’s outburst of crying in public was probably the main reason that Shaq had demanded a trade. Since that time, the Lakers and Kobe have never threatened to win a title.

3. Andrei Kirilenko, 2007 Postseason

Andrei Kirilenko, nicknamed as AK47, was once considered a top talent in the league. He could score in a variety of ways and renowned as top defender in the league.

As of late, his play has declined in the postseason. The Salt Lake Tribune reported that Kirilenko used a towel to wipe tears from his red and swollen eyes Sunday while discussing his minimal role in the Jazz's 84-75 loss to the Houston Rockets in Game 1. Kirilenko played only 16 minutes - including only the last seven seconds of the fourth quarter.

Kirilenko, the team's highest paid player at 12.3 million a year, stated that he wanted to live up to his potential. Well he can start by playing better, not crying in front of his teammates. It certainly does not help intimidate your opponents. The Jazz proceeded to lose the next game in the series against the Houston Rockets. Kirelinko's crying does not serve as a good omen for the Jazz.

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So if you are a professional athlete, avoid crying in public at all costs. Your career will most likely take a hit and more importantly, people like me will make fun of you.

Can Anthony and Iverson lead the Nuggets past the Spurs?

The Denver Nuggets success will depend upon the performances of star players Carmelo Anthony (left) and Allen Iverson (right)

The Denver Nuggets will be underdogs heading into a series against the San Antonio Spurs. Still, the Nuggets will relish the opportunity to upset to upset the 3 time NBA champions (1999, 2003, and 2005). The Denver Nuggets have changed its identity by acquiring Allen Iverson, and having two star players in Anthony and Iverson who are in the top 10 in scoring.

Brief Season Recap

The Denver Nuggets started the 2006-07 seaon strong but struggled after their team had a brawl with Knicks Anthony was suspended for 15 games and JR Smith was suspended for 10 games. The Nuggets, shortly thereafter, sent Andre Miller, Joe Smith, and two 2007 first-round picks to the Philedelphia 76ers for Iverson and Ivan McFarlin. Once, Anthony returned from suspension, it took a while for the team to mesh. As of late though, the Nuggets have finally gotten their act together and have won 9 of their past 10 games.

Footage of Knicks/Nuggets Brawl

Prior Postseason Success

While the Spurs playoff experience speaks for itself, the Denver Nuggets also have their share of playoff experience. Carmelo Anthony and Marcus Camby were part of the Nuggets' teams that have made it to the playoffs for the past three seasons. The Nuggets have not made it past the 2nd round since 1994 where the Nuggets led by Dikembe Mutumbo won as an 8th seed against the Seattle Supersonics who were the 1 seed in the Western Conference. The Supersonics were coached by George Karl, who is now the coach of the Denver Nuggets.

Still, members of the Denver Nuggets have seen success in the postseason. Coach George Karl led the Supersonics to the NBA finals in 1996. He also helped lead the Milwaukee Bucks to Eastern Conference Finals in 2001. Camby was also part of the 1999 New York Knicks, who helped his team to an improbable run to the NBA finals as an eight seed where they lost Tim Duncan's Spurs in a 5 games. Iverson had led the 76ers to playoffs several times, which was highlighted with a MVP award for 2000-01 season and a trip the NBA finals against the Los Angeles Lakers in 2001. In addition, Eduardo Najera, Reggie Evans, and Steve have been role players to respective teams (Dallas, Seattle, and Washington) that have made it past the 1st round.

Keys for the Nuggets

What will work to Anthony and Iverson's advantage is their ability to score in a variety of ways. They can both create a shot by themselves and have the ability to find the open man who can convert for the easy basket. Anthony and Iverson are among the league leaders at getting to the free throw line. This will not only help them score efficiently but also put the Spur's key players into foul problems. The Nuggets also have effective low post players in Camby and Nene Hilario. Steve Blake is effective at running the team's offense, while JR Smith can provide a scoring punch off the bench. Reggie Evans and Eduardo Najera are players who bring energy who hustle for loose ball and play stingy defense.

The Spurs will be up to the challenge to stop them since they have one of the best league defenses anchored by Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen. Still, the Spurs best perimeter defender, Bowen does not match up well with either Anthony or Iverson; Anthony is too big and will use his strength to overpower Bowen while Iverson will use his quickness and ball handling skills to elude him. The Spurs will most likely have to rely on team defense to contain both of them. Still, the Spurs have to watch out for the Nuggets role players who can also find ways to put it in the basket.

The Nuggets biggest weakness as of late has been their team defense. The Nuggets have good overall team defenders in Camby, Nene, Evans, and Najera who could slow down Tim Duncan. But they will have to rely on their scorers in Anthony and Iverson to step it up on the defensive end as well. The Nuggets will likely put Iverson on Bowen in order to mask his defensive liability. Anthony will have to pick it up on the defensive end against Manu Ginobli who is capable of going off with huge scoring outbursts.

Conclusion

While the Nuggets enter the series as underdogs, they still recognize the opportunity to grow into legitimate contender. If they can take the Spurs to 6 or 7 games, they could be content going into next season with better team chemistry and higher expectations, especially with the return of a healthy Kenyon Martin. If they can somehow manage to beat the Spurs in the 1st round, they would put themselves as one of the favorites to win it all this June.

The Lakers Make the Playoffs!

Kobe is Flying High after he leads the Lakers to Victory

The Laker fans are celebrating today since their best player did just enough for the Lakers to squeak into the playoffs. They clinched a playoff spot by defeating the Seattle Supersonics who were without their best player in Ray Allen (aka Jesus Shuttlesworth in "He Got Game").

If the season ended today, they would be slated for a rematch against the Phoenix Suns. The Lakers took the Suns to 7 games last year but the Lakers are struggling while they enter the postseason. The Suns will also have a healthy Amare Stoudemire, who missed the majority of the 2005-06 season. Still, the series has the potential to re-ignite an exciting matchup from last year.

Take a look at clips from the the 2006 series:

The Lakers come back in dramatic fashion in game 4 and beat the Suns to take a commanding 3-1 lead.

In game 5, tensions escalted. As Kobe posts up Raja Bell, Bryant elbows Raja Bell in the face. Laker fans have claimed this was a "phantom elbow".

Shortly thereafter, Raja Bell retalliates against Kobe Bryant and knocks him to the floor. The Suns go on to win the game to keep the series alive, but the league suspended Raja Bell in game 6.



The Lakers were heavily favored to win the game against Suns, since Phoenix was without it's best defensive player in Raja Bell and Game 6 was at LA. Still, Phoenix kept it close and Tim Thomas hit a clutch 3 pointer which forced the series into a 7th game.




In game 7, the Lakers get blown out. NBA analyst, TNT's Charles Barkely accused Bryant "selfish" for only shooting three times in game seven versus Phoenix. Barkely shortly apologized after Kobe appered as a guest on TNT's Inside the NBA.

The Lakers will be massive underdogs in a 1st round matchup in this year's matchup against either Phoenix or Dallas. Either way, look for Kobe to try to will his team to victory.

Stop Showing Stupid Kids at Sporting Events

I was watching the Pistons/Knicks game on my friend's league pass last night. After coming back from a commercial break, the television crew decided it would be nice to show two "adorable" kids watching the game. This was done as an attempt to lure the fans of the NBA to come to the game with their families.

Seriously, what moron would buy NBA tickets simply from this image?

Oh but it's necessary for the organization to distribute their tickets!

I don't see the NFL resorting to subjugating kids to propagate a marketing campaign during their respective games. That's the problem with the NBA and also MLB. They expect to create some sort of family image by showing random young kids dancing at the stadium in attempt to lure fans to the game. The NFL prescribes to the theory that the games are so damn important so you better watch it unless you're retarded. The NBA and MLB try to infiltrate those from the "Full House" school of values, which sickens me. A huge proportion of their fans are thinking, "If family values are so important to me, why am I watching the game?"

"Enjoy the game", says New York Knicks center Eddy Curry.
"If your children keep annoying you, I'll gladly eat them."

The NBA and MLB should not be marketing as a great family activity. In the case of the NBA, families can certainly find a way to create family time at less than $90 per person. This may include, where additional charges may apply, giving your whiny kids some ice cream or cotton candy, and then giving a foam finger or hat that will be buried in their closet forever. If you get a cheaper ticket, you become a bad parent. In years to come, your kids will enter therapy and blame their depression and lack of motivation for not getting better seats.

If the only way you relate to your kid is by taking him to sporting events, you have problems. Instead of taking him to the game and giving him hot dog after hot dog, teaching him a life of obesity and laziness, maybe you can take him to, I don't know, OUTSIDE and teach him how to play that specific sport.

Stop making your kid a fat ass!

Fans should come to the games to enjoy them, it shouldn't be some poor excuse to bring your family to make up for lost time. If your family wants to come along on their own, that's fine but the NBA should not deem fans as bad parents for not bringing their kids who simply may be spoiled brats.